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A friend once said to me, “Holy shit, Jess! You’ve lived a double life!” This was after telling her about some of my old haunts and hangouts during college and how I felt it was so strange that I never knew my husband prior to meeting each other because I was always sort of around him (where he worked, where he lived, etc–but in a non-creepy way). Lately I feel like I’ve begun to live a double life again. Those who know me, know me as the homemaker, the crafty lady who is always making something, the blogger, the wife. I stay home and clean and cook. I run errands and visit Starbucks occasionally.
But lately I’ve felt like I need to do and experience more. Call it the winter blues. Call it wanting to absorb more from the world. Call it just wanting to better myself. Those who know me may not know that I haven’t been so happy with the girl looking back at me from the mirror lately. I know I can be healthier. I know I can look better to not only please myself, but to feel more attractive for my husband. Yes, you should put your health and appearance first and foremost for yourself, but let’s face it–attraction is the first thing felt in a relationship. I see no harm in wanting to look better for my husband. My healthy endeavors have also inspired him to eat healthier. I nearly fell out of the chair last weekend when we both had salads for lunch and instead of his usual choice of blue cheese dressing, he chose balsamic and olive oil instead. And he kind of stole my heart all over again when he bought me a large bunch of kale and some other veggies.
I picked up Cameron Diaz’s The Body Book after seeing her do an interview to promote it. She wants to influence women to feel better about their bodies from the inside out. So I’ve chosen to live a healthier lifestyle, workout to be fit and fuel my body with good things. I know there will be setbacks along the way, temptations and bad days, but I’ll get over them. Hopefully these changes will show in my skin and the space between my waistband and body. Hopefully one day I can finally stop poking at all my flaws and embrace my body, wholeheartedly.
I also want to get out and do things again. This winter has put me in such a rut. It’s given me anxiety (for real) just being cooped up in the house. Last week I had a cold and no car so it really sucked for me. I’ve never been so anxious for spring to arrive. I’m sick of the cold. I’m sick of the snow. I’m sick of not wanting to go anywhere because it’s cold and slick outside. I want enjoy new things for myself, by myself, to reconnect with myself on a soulful level. So I signed up to take a couple culinary classes just to get out and enjoy some quality time with myself and learn something new.
There are things in life you can ask for help with. But if I’m not happy with myself, only I can change that. Here’s to a better me!
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