The east coast has been through a lot this week; first an earthquake and now a hurricane. We’ve made our jokes about Hurricane Irene, but now seems the time to get really serious. This didn’t seem real until last night. I was sitting on the couch reading the last of Julie & Julia when Mike asked if I could help him move some things. We moved our patio furniture into the garage and made small talk with the neighbors about the storm headed our way. I went over a quick check list with Mike and he went to fill up on gas. We have our water, batteries and generator at the ready.
If there’s one positive thing that’s come out of awaiting Irene’s arrival, it’s the fact that the hurricane has momentarily taken my mind off of my anxiety. Instead of worrying about my anxiety, I find myself in warrior mode going over check lists and making sure our family is prepared. Mike called out from the computer room, “I think I know what your problem is!” I asked him what and he said, “You’re one of those people who can predict storms.” I asked him if he thought the “swirling, whirling feeling in my chest was the swirling, whirling feeling of the hurricane.” He said yes. I then told him if that was the case, he better brace himself. Madame Jessica speaks.
It was another hard night last night. I started reading Crunch Time in bed. I slept lightly for an hour until I realized that Mike hadn’t come to bed yet. That sent me wide awake again engrossed in the fact that I was alone in the dark, only me and my anxiety, my thoughts and my worry. I immediately felt better once Mike came to bed. I just didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be in his kind and comforting embrace. I wanted to hear him say, “Shh. Calm down. Just lay here,” as my head found comfort in his chest and his chin rested on my head. After about an hour of tossing and turning, telling Mike I was sorry for keeping him up every night and Mike telling me to stop worrying so much over stupid shit, I fell fast asleep.
A GIANT thank you goes out to my friends and family who contacted me yesterday with concern for my well being. I can’t thank you enough for checking in on me and making suggestions. While I haven’t made a decision yet about what I want to do yet, I have taken all of your suggestions into consideration. Sending thanks and love – Jessica
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