Sometimes a girl just needs reassurance in her life. Sometimes that’s charged by hormones, leading up to emotional evenings on the couch with her husband, reassessing her life. With the holidays just around the corner, I started to get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, I bottle everything up until I have no other choice to expel everything that’s been bothering me leading up to that moment of explosion. I felt lost in the abyss of my mind. Lost in the waves, trying to bob on the surface of everything that’s been pushing me down. I was sad about money–particularly not having earned money of my own anymore. I was sad wondering about my purpose in life and what direction I am moving in, wondering if certain things would happen for us or if they would happen at all. I wanted to know that my husband is really 100% okay with me being a home, not contributing to our household income while he’s off at work six days a week. I felt like a disappointment to myself. 32 and nothing to show for it.
But what I do have is the most the wonderful husband a girl could ask for. He accepts me for the temporary headcase I can become, the stay-at-home-wife who makes sure his clothes are clean, his belly is full and he has everything he needs to stay a happy husband. That’s when I realized: maybe that’s all I need right now. Him. Just the two of us. Enjoying each other and taking the good with these sour moments that can creep up on us. We have flaws. We’re not perfect, but we’re perfect together. The morning after my last round of tears, I powered my energy and emotions into a poem. I was just so thankful for the comfort and support I had received from my husband because when I feel like I’m losing myself, he’s always there to hold me tight.
Unspeakable Bond
There is something about an unspeakable bond.
A bond that even when you’re upset with watery eyes,
You don’t have to speak the issues at hand.
He already knows the pain that’s lingering within you.
So he pulls you closer and holds you tighter.
It’s those restless nights,
When you toss and turn and beg for slumber.
You don’t want to wake him so you lie still against your pillow,
And try to keep your breath and heart light,
But somehow he still knows.
So he pulls you closer and holds you tighter.
It’s a sleeping angel,
A patient saint.
It’s the rise and fall of his chest
And the beating of his heart.
It’s an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude.
So you pull him closer and hold him tighter.
JH | 11-07-2013
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