Last week, I went to a Girls Night Out event with my cousin. We enjoyed a special menu at one of the restaurants and sat for a while talking and savoring our meal. She talked about her son among other things happening in her life. I spoke about my work and some of my upcoming projects. When I said my career has completely taken over my life and I no longer feel any desire to have children, I posed a question:
Do you think women can have it all? Can women really have a career and a family? Or is it one or the other?
I said that I didn’t think you could have both. She agreed. I never felt that I could have a career and a family. I always thought that I would have to choose one or the other. I am approaching 34 years old. I’m not old, but my childbearing years are winding down. I can’t imagine my current lifestyle with a child. I’m sure I would adjust, just like any other mother, but my days are full and I’m usually glued to my computer working on something. My attention is given completely to my blog and design projects. Those are my “babies.” I’m still learning about my craft and learning how I can improve on it on a daily basis. And honestly, I just don’t want kids. Motherhood is no longer appealing to me.
The truth is, although there was a period of time after we got married that all I could think about was having a child, I never really thought of myself as a mother. Perhaps I only felt that motherhood would become my new lifestyle because that’s what’s expected after marriage. Pregnancy has always freaked me out and I never really dreamed of having a bulging, pregnant belly. It was more frightening than beautiful to me.
So what happens when motherhood isn’t for you? If you’re lucky enough to stay at home, a lot of things can happen. You have the time to choose a path for yourself, find your niche and purpose in life. Maybe I haven’t always dreamed of motherhood, but I certainly had dreams about writing and designing for a living. People have asked, “Won’t you regret not having children?” No. But I would regret not taking this opportunity to try and reach my career goals. Even if I fail in the long run, I will be entirely grateful to have had this journey and time to simply create.
We can all agree that the concept of “having it all” is different for everyone. This – this is my all, my very want and need for fulfillment. Just me and my husband, our life together and the time to follow my dreams.
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